I typically write about methods involving personal health, children, household tips or about recommended books. I don’t usually write about relationship conflict and resolution. Today, though, as part of the 31-day writing challenge, I needed to pick a topic related to the letter R. I felt this topic would be beneficial, which is my main criteria in the articles I write. Let’s discuss together:
R
for Resentment…& Letting Go
Resentment is a strong feeling of displeasure or bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly due to some act, remark, person, etc. (Source)
This intense feeling usually crops up in marriage. A thoughtless word or action etches deeply in your memory; it affects your heart, your emotion. Your love and affection can erode into resentment. Such resentment strains the marriage, perhaps overwhelms it.
The foundation of marriage is love and trust; resentment corrodes that foundation. Further, holding on to resentment directly hurts you while the object of your resentment may not be troubled. It’s been said: “Living with resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick.” We’ve heard before that we can’t control other people’s action, but we can control how we respond to their actions. So when it comes to resentment can we choose a different emotional response? What option do we have?
Forgive & Let Go
For some who are more prone toward bitterness, either due to personality or life circumstances, it is more difficult to choose forgiveness, but it is possible. Realistically, it may be beneficial to work on the front end so to speak. Developing patience, deciding to discuss a grievance when the irritation is not fresh, but giving yourself time to calm down may allow you to see a slight as being less serious than you originally thought.
For the offense that needs rooting out of heart and mind, forgiveness needs to happen first. True forgiveness does not mean you pretend you were never offended or that someone didn’t act in a hurtful manner toward you. However, you may need to simply let it go and move on. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Using insight, and acknowledging that resentment can damage your health, well-being, and your marriage more than the transgression itself can defuse our anger.
Letting go is a positive, forward action. To help us let go in mind and heart, we can try it first in deed. How so? Remember when Mom said: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”? The deed here follows that premise. Your spouse is a soul with their own life battles and scars, be realistic in evaluating the offense and the perpetrator.
On a weekly or daily basis, for every negative emotion you feel toward your spouse, write down three positive traits. Discuss the positive traits with your spouse, tell them what you appreciate about them. Focus on the positive and rebuild the love, trust and friendship that drew you together initially. Think years from now, what do you want to remember the most, what will make you happier?
The Benefits
-
Healthier reconnected marriage
-
Greater Well-Being
-
Lower blood pressure
-
Stronger Immunity to Illness
-
Improved Self=Esteem
This post is Day 19 in a series called 31 Days of Methods In Madness. To read all the articles click here.
P.S. What Is Your Secret To A Happy Marriage?
